Forgot to tell you!! Me and Jam got a cat, well he doesn't move in until next Saturday, he's a rescue cat called Barney, he is tabby and white and gorgeous. We are smitten.
I know what you would say, you would very much disapprove, I said to Jam it feels really weird to not ask you about such a big decision but oh well, at least I don't have to listen to why you think its a bad idea!!xxx
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Sunday, February 20, 2011
Heylo
Hi lovely mum!!
Hows it going?? I am struggling to motivate myself today, keep thinking about you and how much you went through when you were studying, not really helping though.
Watching dancing on ice now while I write to you, know you wouldn't have done that, but I'm in my own world when I try to work :(
I have soooooo much to do, I have my MA dissertation, 2 other MA assignments plus 2 PGCE assignments, I know you would say that I should take every opportunity offered to me, just maybe not all at once eh??
Dad is doing my head in, I really hope you can see it all, I'm just not sure whether I should stay away, gran is really upset by him and I want to be there for her but it's hard, she's not anywhere near over loosing you and she is so poorly, I think its going to kill her and I don't know what to say about it. Grandad is finding it hard and he's stopping being so vocal or as fun.
Awww mum, I just miss you a million, I want to talk to you and hear what you would say. I have been having awful nightmare and have woken up crying a few nights, it's rubbish, I'm fed up of worrying, plus I've started spazzing out again. Scary!!
Miss you so much, I love you!!!!xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Hows it going?? I am struggling to motivate myself today, keep thinking about you and how much you went through when you were studying, not really helping though.
Watching dancing on ice now while I write to you, know you wouldn't have done that, but I'm in my own world when I try to work :(
I have soooooo much to do, I have my MA dissertation, 2 other MA assignments plus 2 PGCE assignments, I know you would say that I should take every opportunity offered to me, just maybe not all at once eh??
Dad is doing my head in, I really hope you can see it all, I'm just not sure whether I should stay away, gran is really upset by him and I want to be there for her but it's hard, she's not anywhere near over loosing you and she is so poorly, I think its going to kill her and I don't know what to say about it. Grandad is finding it hard and he's stopping being so vocal or as fun.
Awww mum, I just miss you a million, I want to talk to you and hear what you would say. I have been having awful nightmare and have woken up crying a few nights, it's rubbish, I'm fed up of worrying, plus I've started spazzing out again. Scary!!
Miss you so much, I love you!!!!xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Sunday, February 13, 2011
Just a quick one
Hey mum,
Hope your ok, been to see Gran this morning, she is really not well all all, she's started shaking a lot and she showed me letters from the docs, I don't know what to say, you would be better at this stuff than me, dad is being a right insensitive jerk!! Gran is really upset by the whole thing, I can see why, he doesn't seem to realise that although he might not care, everyone else is still grieving for you, well he might be grieving in how own weird way but I can't believe for a second he genuinely thinks you would be ok with all the stuff he is doing and buying. It's like he thinks he has a second chance to be 20 and abandon all his responsibilities. I havent spoken to him properly in 2 weeks, I'm gutted, I thought we would end up close, we haven't, if anything we are less close, It has made me closer to gran at least, she is awesome, I'm so proud of them but it must be so hard!!
Work is crap, I can't remember if I already told you we didn't get the ESF funding, looks bad for me keeping my job, I'm sure you would tell me it will work out for the best but I'm finding it hard to accept that, plus I'm not sure what to do for the best, should I apply for jobs or stay in the hope that more funding will come?? What if it doesn't?? Or worse, what if it does and I have already left?? Stupid crappy recession, I hate it!! And I hate that I can't ask you for advice in the middle of it!!
Jam is applying for lots of jobs, he is awesome, really trying, he's been locked in his room for the last 2 days doing uni work, well he might be wanking but I'm pretty sure its uni work :p
Really really missing you mum!!!
Love you a billion.
Xxxxxxxxxxx
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Hope your ok, been to see Gran this morning, she is really not well all all, she's started shaking a lot and she showed me letters from the docs, I don't know what to say, you would be better at this stuff than me, dad is being a right insensitive jerk!! Gran is really upset by the whole thing, I can see why, he doesn't seem to realise that although he might not care, everyone else is still grieving for you, well he might be grieving in how own weird way but I can't believe for a second he genuinely thinks you would be ok with all the stuff he is doing and buying. It's like he thinks he has a second chance to be 20 and abandon all his responsibilities. I havent spoken to him properly in 2 weeks, I'm gutted, I thought we would end up close, we haven't, if anything we are less close, It has made me closer to gran at least, she is awesome, I'm so proud of them but it must be so hard!!
Work is crap, I can't remember if I already told you we didn't get the ESF funding, looks bad for me keeping my job, I'm sure you would tell me it will work out for the best but I'm finding it hard to accept that, plus I'm not sure what to do for the best, should I apply for jobs or stay in the hope that more funding will come?? What if it doesn't?? Or worse, what if it does and I have already left?? Stupid crappy recession, I hate it!! And I hate that I can't ask you for advice in the middle of it!!
Jam is applying for lots of jobs, he is awesome, really trying, he's been locked in his room for the last 2 days doing uni work, well he might be wanking but I'm pretty sure its uni work :p
Really really missing you mum!!!
Love you a billion.
Xxxxxxxxxxx
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Thursday, February 3, 2011
Hello and London
Hey mum,
Hope your ok, well not sure if I told u about London, we went to see Jersey Boys, dad took us for my birthday and paid for me, Jam, Paul, Claire, him, SuBo and Therese to go for the weekend.
First the good - Jersey Boys was absolutely amazing!! Therese was awesome, PJ and Claire were so much fun!! And it was lovely to be in London with James :) you would have really enjoyed Jersey Boys, I know you would have been up and dancing!!!
The bad - dad was just acting like a right moron, he couldn't wait to get away from the rest of us, as soon as we got on the train he was all over SuBo and then all weekend he couldn't wait to get away from us, I tried to hold his hand and say thank you for taking us away and he shrugged me off to go back to her!! When I asked him about it he said that she was upset so he had to talk to her, because she realised she didn't have her family round her!!
He then asked me how I would feel about him moving her and her daughter in and I said I might distance myself, it would be really weird, I know that house wasn't really mine but it feels like it and it's where you lived....and to be honest I don't like going anywhere and also i want to distance myself because he makes me feel awkward when he is around her, he's obviously not bothered about us. Well Paul disagrees, I'm not sure whether he really thinks she is ok or whether he is just saying what he thinks dad wants to hear so he can just move out on alright terms. Dad is making everything so difficult and rubbish, I just want to not bother with him but I can't really do that.
Plus he is not even bothered about Gran, uncle ray is using little grains money to build a granny flat on his house to move her into, it's so the wrong thing for gran, she is finally settled in alston lodge and she needs loads of care and she is rubbish if she is left by herself, plus she gets up 4/5 times a night so who is going to do that, they are so just doing it for selfish reasons. I know that you would say something if you were still here, so I feel like I should say something. I feel like they wont take me seriously and I wont have dads support, its really hard!!!
My MA is going sooooooo well, I had a really good lecture last night, it was my favourite lecturer and it was about young offenders and how they explain away their actions.
I miss you, I want to tell you all this stuff and I can't, I know how lucky I am to have James and Therese and a job I love but I still miss you a lot!!!
Love you always!!
Xxxxxxx
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Hope your ok, well not sure if I told u about London, we went to see Jersey Boys, dad took us for my birthday and paid for me, Jam, Paul, Claire, him, SuBo and Therese to go for the weekend.
First the good - Jersey Boys was absolutely amazing!! Therese was awesome, PJ and Claire were so much fun!! And it was lovely to be in London with James :) you would have really enjoyed Jersey Boys, I know you would have been up and dancing!!!
The bad - dad was just acting like a right moron, he couldn't wait to get away from the rest of us, as soon as we got on the train he was all over SuBo and then all weekend he couldn't wait to get away from us, I tried to hold his hand and say thank you for taking us away and he shrugged me off to go back to her!! When I asked him about it he said that she was upset so he had to talk to her, because she realised she didn't have her family round her!!
He then asked me how I would feel about him moving her and her daughter in and I said I might distance myself, it would be really weird, I know that house wasn't really mine but it feels like it and it's where you lived....and to be honest I don't like going anywhere and also i want to distance myself because he makes me feel awkward when he is around her, he's obviously not bothered about us. Well Paul disagrees, I'm not sure whether he really thinks she is ok or whether he is just saying what he thinks dad wants to hear so he can just move out on alright terms. Dad is making everything so difficult and rubbish, I just want to not bother with him but I can't really do that.
Plus he is not even bothered about Gran, uncle ray is using little grains money to build a granny flat on his house to move her into, it's so the wrong thing for gran, she is finally settled in alston lodge and she needs loads of care and she is rubbish if she is left by herself, plus she gets up 4/5 times a night so who is going to do that, they are so just doing it for selfish reasons. I know that you would say something if you were still here, so I feel like I should say something. I feel like they wont take me seriously and I wont have dads support, its really hard!!!
My MA is going sooooooo well, I had a really good lecture last night, it was my favourite lecturer and it was about young offenders and how they explain away their actions.
I miss you, I want to tell you all this stuff and I can't, I know how lucky I am to have James and Therese and a job I love but I still miss you a lot!!!
Love you always!!
Xxxxxxx
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