Happy birthday!!!

Good morning!!! And HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Wow, you would have been 50 today!!! I do realise you would kill me for telling the www your age!! It's not exactly old though, is it?? I don't get it, I don't understand how someone as healthy and active as you can be dead! Cancer is just a horrible horrible thing! I'm going to come to your stone soon, I've been growing sunflowers, you would be well proud, I've looked after them and everything!! So I'm going to repot one and put it near your stone, I think the pot I have bought is going to be to small though, oh well, I'll plant it in the grounds if it gets too big :) had a bit of a rubbish week so far, can't stop thinking about you and your birthday. I am trying to be strong but at my MA last night I just couldn't focus!! In glad i'm not at work today, think I would have been rubbish! James has all these plans he wants to do, go to the beer festival and Plymouth but I just want to sit and cry, I've not done that yet but I feel really guilty being miserable!!
I'm going out with Rik tomorrow and I'm really excited about that so it should be good :)
I saw gran on Sunday, she looks bloody awful!!! They have put her steroids back up to 5 and she's puffy and pale and looks really poorly :( quite morbid too, I think she thinks she doesn't have long left!
At least she gets to see you.
I love you millions, hope your having a fab birthday wherever you are.xxxx


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Location:Bed

More :(

I just want to tell you how unreal
It feels!! I miss you with all of me!! I want to go and choose you a gorgeous new bag from accessorize and some lovely wrapping paper and maybe some proper grown up smellies!! I'm talking to therese on facebook and she misses you and I miss you more!! I want to talk to you on dads facebook and the conversation not make any sense because i reply quicker!! I hate that your not here and that I can't talk to you and show you how good I'm doing, how clean my house is and how much I am successfully growing!!! And growing up!! I want to talk to you about going travelling and getting married and everything!! I so much want to be positive and remember the good bits but it's hard mum!!! And tour the only person that could tell me what to do And how to feel and your not here!!
I hate this!!


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Location:Barn Croft,Penworthamdale,United Kingdom

Nearly 50!!!

Hello!!
So, today is Tuesday and Thursday would have been your 50th birthday. I miss you all the time, but this week it feels like your just a little bit closer to the front of my mind. Whatever I'm doing or wherever I am you seem to be there, and it seems so negative. I'm really struggling to remember all the positives of having you and all the fun we have had and how ace you were and how much I love you, instead I just seem to remember that your gone!! James said I am too morbid, and he thinks the rest of the family are too. I know he's right and that we should be lucky we had you but I just feel more sad that I don't anymore :( I have booked your birthday off, going to bring you a present to your grave.
Been a bit of a crazy few weeks!! Have you seen the politics?? Bet your glad you don't have to be part of the joke that has been this election!! Still no solution as yet, it's awful isn't it!! Looking like it's going to be a Tory liberal coillition, that's a bit of a kick in the teeth to those of us who voted liberal to keep the torys out...
Things are good though, Jam missed a philosophy exam last week, I was sooo mad at him!! I wanted to ring you to ask how I should react, when I think about it I imagine you would tell me he didn't mean to and that it was an accident. I ended up shouting at him like I was his mum, which was almost defo the wrong reaction!! Just made me more sad because I really wanted to talk to you about it...i think that's because it's your birthday week really though :(
My jobs really great, Im really enjoying my actual work and am doing pretty well, Ali was impressed with me when I wrote an evaluation for LDAAT!! But it's not looking very secure, I trust Ali and I think it probably end ok but at the moment I only have a contract until July so I'm looking (sort of) for a new job. I will be gutted if I have to leave.
Anyhow I have an MA to do and have got masses of reading to do by tomorrow.
I'll write again on your birthday. Love you so so much!!!xxxxxxx


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Location:My pretty house